Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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