I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
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