I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
