Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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