I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
i believe in u and ur pee
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