This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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