I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Sext me about skeletons
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
