i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
