i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
