My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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