too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
