I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
