The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
