By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
