Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
