cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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