just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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