I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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