i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
