My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
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