Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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