Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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