He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
