I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Use "feeling words"
Yay
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
