...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I just googled if crying burns calories
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Randomize
