may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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