I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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