Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
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