Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
He shit in the fireplace
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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