is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
