2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
