I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
