im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
