Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
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