Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
