do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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