I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize