RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Randomize
