cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Randomize
