the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
