my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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