she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I can't put those talents on a resume
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
