I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
