Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
