Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
