C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
