Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
