walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
And then the night went full on bisexual.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
