the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
you will always have a special place in my vag
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
so much tequila, so little girl.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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