just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Randomize
