I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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