Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
