well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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