I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
