You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
