i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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