There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
