if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
