I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
