I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
