Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
