i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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