you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
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