so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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