Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
