she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
