just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
