Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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